Thanks to Katie Carmack for this user submitted article!


10 Things Your Library Won’t Do

by Katie Carmack

When my mother is going on and on about her new e-book reader and how ‘Libraries really need to do something about that, because this is where the future is headed’, I realize that no matter how many times librarians list all the fantastic and wonderful stuff we have, and how we’re ‘Not just books’-or even e-books, our message is still lost to non-library users.  So, instead of writing more about all the things that we do, this is about all the things we don’t do:

1.)    Let you practice your bagpipes (even that depends on how good you are. Wait, no.  Still bagpipes.).  Sorry.

2.)    We will not physically help you to rob a bank.  It’s illegal. Plus, we just handed you information on safes, how to disappear, ‘The Bank Job’ DVD, and a car repair manual to get your getaway vehicle in tip-top shape.  If your crew is short a man, I can recommend Neil Lowndes ‘How to Instantly Connect with Anyone’.

3.)    Potty train your child.  If left unattended, however, we’re happy to help him or her reach whichever book they’d like to read on the shelf.  This is especially fun during Banned Books Week since the display is usually colorful and attractive to youngsters.  (Don’t worry; it’ll give them a head start on their high school reading.  Banned Books are usually classics-go figure.)

4.)    We will NOT agree with whoever said ‘Libraries are the new cupcake’.  (  We’re not a baked treat with an expiration date or good for you only in moderation.  We’re not a fad, people! We WILL agree that we are pretty sweet & I might even let you call me ‘Cupcake’.

5.)    Shush you.  Unless you’re out of control & disruptive, or playing bagpipes.

6.)    Be uptight, judge-y, Miss Marple-types in tweed; (Wow, you really haven’t been in here a while, have you?) or be a quiet, boring place.  (Again, you really need to stop in.)

7.)    Try to make you feel dumb.  I try not to feel dumb when I have to ask the stocker at the grocery store where the spaghetti is.  (I am a little irritated they don’t have a catalog.) We just know where everything is because we work here.  Mechanics know what tools they have in their shop.  We know what tools we have in ours.  We’ll show you around.

8.)    Do your taxes or tell you how to treat your oozy, itchy, whatever that is that you’re trying to show me and I’m backing away from.  Tax professionals keep you from going to jail. Medical professionals keep you alive.  We are neither.

9.)    Contribute to your child saying ‘There’s nothing to do!’ all summer long.  Starting June 3rd with our ‘Bon Voyage’ Sugar Free All Stars concert, there will rarely be a day that doesn’t have some sort of craft, snack, movie, or game for children & teens.  (We’re not leaving adults out, either.  We’ve got tons of stuff planned for you, as well.) Make sure you grab a calendar when you stop in, or check it out online:  We’re also on Facebook, and occasionally tweet stuff @PLEGC on Twitter. Because we’re cool like that.

10.) Trick you into reading.  Unless you’re reading this.  Then, Gotcha!


Katie Carmack
Reference/Adult Programming
Public Library of Enid & Garfield County
120 W Maine Ave
Enid,OK 73701
(580) 234-6313