Nelly's Christmas Tips



How to prepare for Friday’s apocalypse:

1.       Practice rolling up into a ball to protect your head and neck. This will not help you survive, but it might give you better abs.

2.       Listen to “It’s the End Of the World as We Know It.” By REM 10 times in a row. Then, try to get the tune out of your head.

3.       Wear an outfit that you haven’t been able to properly fit into in 10 years, just to say you got into it one last time. Don’t bother to tuck in the parts that are hanging out. No one will be around to see them anyway.

4.       Don’t brush your teeth. That hygienist will never get the chance to give you that disapproving glare over the top of her mask, so who gets the last laugh now?

5.       Pull all the tags off your mattresses. The tag police will be gone tomorrow.

6.       Get a coloring book and color outside ALL the lines.

7.       Try to make up a song to the tune of Prince’s “1999” that features 2012 instead. (Now, try to get that tune out of your head.)